Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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