my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize