Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
