I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
