So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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