hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
