you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
