I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
