What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...