I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.