I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
