You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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