my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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