So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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