youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
