I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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