My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
