i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
