Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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