...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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