my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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