Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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