Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have officially lost it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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