when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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