Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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