I just pynch a tree in the face
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
