Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
