holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
