We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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