i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
