i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
