Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
