I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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