Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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