I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
