she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
