How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
