my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
