Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
