I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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