I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
