i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
