Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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