Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
