I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
