did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can I color on your dick again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
