Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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