Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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