I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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