Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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