no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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