You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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