Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
