Pappa wants mamma naked
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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