My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
