That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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