Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
