So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
