On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.