Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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