Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
